Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us! Especially our crazy, fun kids!

A sample of the  hour of my life trying to get the kids situated for a picture.

No safe place?

"We must not be surprised when we hear of murders, of killings, of wars, of hatred.  If a mother can kill  her own child, what is left but for us to kill each other."- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I am mourning for the loss of the innocent. Yes, the children of Newtown.  Yes, the shoppers in Oregon. AND Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, the unborn children who aren't even protected in their mother's womb. I mourn for them all and I hope it doesn't harden my heart!

Baby born into the world from the womb at 24 weeks.

I am mourning for the lost principles in some people today. I am so sad that people don't see these precious miracles in the womb as they have seen the lives of a 5 year old, a 15 year old, a 25 year old cut too short.  It is so disturbing but I heard someone say, "How do you pick and choose which innocent life you weep for, and which you condone?"  This is what I want to ask.  Why am I afraid to speak these words?  

I am mourning for those people who are trapped in their minds with a false sense of reality, with fear, with depression....

I pray that hearts will be opened. I pray that no matter what our 'rights' are that people will chose NOT to execute all of them. I am sure that is not the right way to say it.  But, I have a right to free speech.  I am going to execute that right through this blog post. EXECUTE your right to LOVE! I have a right to carry a gun. I will never own a gun.  I pray that people will see what love is.  I pray that people will put the energy they are putting into gun control ALSO into rights for the unborn.  Let us protect life at all stages.  Let us want others.  Want the unwanted!

Consider signing a petition to protect the unborn.

My sugarplums

We've had some very unseasonably warm weather.  And some very seasonally horrible colds, ear infections, stomach viruses...but we are enjoying the holiday anyway.

I am shielding my children from the school shooting and I hope you are doing the same if yours are as young and tender as mine are.  I guess being physically sick has given me an excuse to shed a lot of tears this weekend, but the tears are certainly not over my own small inconveniences.

I probably shouldn't write this...

I shouldn't put these feelings in writing, but I cannot focus.

Lord have mercy on the souls of His departed servants. May their memories be eternal.  Who could take the lives of these innocent children?  How can someone do this to the children, to their families, their friends...? I think of a book my mom gave the kids about the Little's Angel.  He is actually a little sad in Heaven because he misses Earth. I know it will be a blink of the eye before their whole family is with them and that the Lord, our God, and His mother is holding them today.  But how can we hold their families? Its a parents worst nightmare, an aunt's worst nightmare, a sister and a brother's worst nightmare.  And yes, its worse that it's right before Christmas. A time of excitement for children and now these families are mourning the loss of their children. I cannot contain my tears. I cannot contain the helplessness.

One of my friends pointed out the way to wage the war is to love.

"It is time to wage war . . . against the violence, anger, and hatred within our species. Regardless of your age, ethniticity, career, religious viewpoints, sexual orientation, monetary income, lets take this month as a starting point (regardless of religious holidays) to increase our efforts to reach out to all those in need. . . whether a family member, co-worker, friend, student, teacher, or a random stranger. My heart goes out to all those who lost someone in what seems to be a new trend of war against the "innocent". However, wouldn't it be sad to find out that those the same individuals who found it necessary to unleash their anger on the "innocent" were crying for help and support, and "us" as a society lacked to give them that care and support they desperately needed in their lives. Fight crime and atrocities with increases in love for all without restrictions."

I actually did not intend to *publish this when I did, but now 2 days later I don't have much more to say.  I know these little angels and teacher angels are watching over their families from above.  The families now have someone to intercede for them to their Heavenly Father.

While there are so many ways to be angry, and I see a lot of anger over this in the media and on FB.  I still hold to the belief that we must pray for all involved.  Showing hatred helps no one.  I see so many needs that are to be addressed because of a tragedy like this. I pray that when they are addressed many, many more lives will be saved.

One final thought is to reach out to your children's teachers.  Today, tomorrow, forever.  We pray nightly for our children's teachers and I am going to make sure they know that.  I can only imagine how difficult this has been for them.  Pray for them!

My heart is still in teaching

Pick me up of the day, "I want to let you know that you were a great lecturer and I really learned a lot in your part of the immunology course. " (Vanderbilt pre-med undergraduate)

This fall I taught 4 lectures.  This spring I will teach only 3.  BUT, I will also have the opportunity to teach a group of very talented youth through a program at Vanderbilt.  I am excited.

My effort has been changing a little. I collaborate with others at the University and I am expected to make up almost 98% of my effort/salary from grants!  This is not an easy task with the economy of grants these days, so I have sought out some opportunities to teach and have come up with some really great ideas for courses.  Problem is there isn't even enough funding for teachers.  Even at a well funded, expensive, private institution like Vanderbilt, they are cutting course offerings because they don't have teachers who are already salaried to teach and they don't have the money to pay someone else's salary.  Sad day for me who wants to at least spend some of my time in the classroom.  I am working on another opportunity within the Medical School now but that is also difficult because (as it should be) the courses are highly integrated to clinical practice and since I am not a clinician, I will need to team teach and it will require a lot of communication and time to make sure that we develop a good integrated curriculum.  I am up for the challenge, but I am still seeking an infectious disease clinician who is too...

I'll leave you with these thoughts from Dr. Ken Bain.

Humans are naturally curious, as preschool children show. In school we beat it out of them. Most of us who pursue scholarly questions were drawn there by an earlier interest in other questions.

What are the big questions in your field, ones that really matter? “You have to appeal to their fundamental curiosity and the questions you care about,” he said.

Its the little stuff (and the big stuff)

Everyday there are special moments.  Everyday there is joy.  Here are a few moments I have really enjoyed this week.

This morning Samantha gave me a thumbs up and grinned ear to ear because she gave Matthew a toy that made him grin and giggle. She was not just proud of herself for helping but for making him so happy. It was so very, very sweet.

Yesterday AJ called the house from Mississippi.  He didn't want to talk to me.  He didn't want to talk to David.  He needed to talk to Samantha because he found her zebra which she left in Mississippi in MAY!!  He also told her that he made some cookies and he was saving one for her.  They miss each other alot!

Matthew is trying so hard to talk.  Just about everything sounds like BA right now.  Ball, Bath, Blanket.  But there is also Mama, Dada, and AJ.  Poor Samantha.  She is trying really hard to figure out what he can call her.  But when we say 'where's Samantha?' He looks at her and grins and all the disappointment that he cannot say her name goes away.

This past weekend we spend Thanksgiving in Memphis and John David (our youngest nephew) was loving on "baby Matthew". He was so gentle with him. He stroked his 'hairs'.  I asked him if Matthew could call him JD since that would be something he might be able to say and John David said no very defiantly, but I explained that Matthew could say JD but not John David. His reply, ' Ok.  Baby Matthew can call me JD' was accompanied by a huge grin.

Quick highlights:
Samantha just finished 200+ books for the school year.  She gets to have a date night with Daddy tonight. She is super sensitive and wouldn't hurt a fly.  She cannot wait for soccer in the Spring, but I think we are going to do swim lessons before it starts back up.  She is very into doing all of our Advent activities this year, which has been really great.  I made her a new prayer book and she loves being able to read her prayers at night.

AJ is learning so rapidly right now. He wants to experience new things all the time, but only on his own terms.  He is very curious about kindergarten for next year.  He loves to count to 120 and he likes to sound out words to spell.  He loves being outside.  So today, his name day, I am sure he was thrilled to wake up at camp and have pancake for breakfast.

Matthew is walking very well now.  He even has a 'fast' walk.  Time to get up the gates.  He is a very laid back child, but you would have never known last week.  A crowd of unfamiliar faces in unfamiliar settings while teething and weaning did not create a happy turkey!  Praying for better adjustment for the Christmas holiday.  We did learn when all else fails, play the boy some music.  Uncle Bill delighted us with his guitar and Matthew danced along.

I'll try to do a post soon with some pictures, but time is to precious to spend on the blog these days.

Happy Birthday, Lil One!

Matthew Bradley is one today! I cannot believe it!

We are crazy about him.  He is an active, outspoken, snugglely, happy lil' guy. We've loved watching him grow this year.  (and yes the time goes faster with each one!)  

May God grant him many, many years!

Family Holiday Planning Meeting

I manage projects for a living. I manage people for a living. I manage little people at home and apparently now my husband refers to me as the home manager.  According to him this could come with some good bonuses-- don't think financial bonuses here people-- 3 kids are expensive!  THINK-- mom can make executive decisions.  Apparently, I am awesome  not good at people management and time management.  Yes, I wish I didn't have to use the crossed off text feature in that sentence.

So we decided to have a family meeting. My sister-in-laws family does this on a very regular basis, maybe even every week!  You Go Family!!  I think its productive for them. I can only hope with a little practice.

First, we started at the kitchen table and after describing the purpose of the meeting (to discuss holiday plans), the next thing I knew I was talking to just Samantha.  Samantha's plan, let her pass out gifts on Christmas morning because she can now read all of the gift tags...Well, we see where my 7 year old's mind went.

AJ is in the pile too (behind Samantha).

David left the room without announcing where he was going and the boys were playing on the floor.  So I postponed the meeting until I could find my partner.  Then the kids started playing and David started wrestling with them.  After I documented our successful family meeting time wrestling, I reminded my family we were supposed to be discussing the holiday plan.  Samantha and AJ jumped up to help with the iPAD Trello page.  Then Matthew got curious (I don't remember where hubby was at this point) and when he approached I realized the babe needed  was in desperate need of a new diaper.  So, I left the room to change him and instructed my reader to type in the word "Christmas".  Yelling and fighting began.  Hubby rescued the iPad to find the new Trello board "YIFDDOS". So, with some toys and 3 kids we moved the meeting to the office.  

What happened next (in no particular order):

• Samantha checked off "The Jesse Tree" as completed using my iPad while I modified Trello on the computer.  While it sort of is complete I remember thinking we need to replace some ornaments this year.
• AJ asked what we were 'generating' (while all he was generating was a lot of noise)
• I declared myself unable to think while 2 boys make intelligible sounds around my feet.
• Hubby said I get to make executive decisions when ever I want because I am the "Manager".
• Hubby told me to make him an appointment to take Matthew to his 1 year check up- I declared that I am not the house secretary if I am the manager.
• Hubby ordered ink for the printer and signed us up for a Thanksgiving Day 4 mile race.
• Matthew climbed up 6 stairs and AJ caught him on the way down.  They both thought it was hilarious. Me not so much!
• I came to the realization that 10 days without my hubby in December makes the due dates for these tasks and events much earlier this year!
• Samantha was so eager to help.  She said, "What can I do? What can I do?" referring to the Trello page.  Meanwhile Hubby's response, "Ask the manager."
• We decided against an Advent wreath/activity which involves lighting candles. We are brilliant!

I closed the meeting because I was more distracted than when it began at the breakfast table with my cup of coffee in hand. Apparently, I wasn't the only distracted one.

Classic

There is something classic about a black and white photo (or three).

Letting it out...

THIS PHOTO: A team of ARS and Cornell University researchers, some of whom are pictured here, was the first to determine the molecular structure of RNA. This achievement won team leader Robert W. Holley (left), of ARS, the Nobel Prize in 1968.
Photo by Sol Goldberg.

Let it go.  Not likely.

This is one of those blog posts where the author just needs to vent express themselves.  Yes, I am that author.  I am the mother of 3 who loves science. I am the mother who tells her child do something you love to do because then you will enjoy your work. I am the mother who loves to teach even if teaching at my institution is more of a time sink than an investment in my future and may actually hurt my chance of getting tenure. I am the mother who make the decision to work outside of the home and have loving caregivers help me raise my children because I feel called to serve through research.  I am surrounded by talented scientists and parents alike.  We struggle day in and day out to make sense of our status, our situations, and our future.

The most successful scientists around us are either unmarried or from single income families (this could be statistically proven, don't give me a new project).  We feel like we are fighting the norm.  Its not just about being a woman where there are long standing stereotypes. Its also about balancing two highly stressful jobs with a family.  Oh, wait, did I just say I love science and I love teaching?  Why would my job be stressful?

I can never do enough. I can never finish a project. I can never please every reviewer. I can never write enough grants. I can never met all the expectation of my staff. I can never finish all the regulatory/training I need to do.  I can never....it all sounds so negative. I am not good enough for this.  Impostor.  Yes, I have impostor syndrome.

Well, its not as bad as it sounds. I can do this job, I am just not going to do it like everyone else thinks I should. Nevertheless, I have so many collaborators and colleagues who are struggling. They are amazing scientists. They are intelligent  They are hard working. They are go-getters. They are excellent communicators. And yet they say to me, "Sometimes, I want to quit".  Don't think I am talking about one person. Today alone, I had 3 people tell me this! THREE PEOPLE.  They want to feel successful, but the money is tight.  Their job is in jeopardy.  Their paper was rejected.  Their grant wasn't funded. We worry.  How long can we go on doing what we love in the face of rejection and pressure.

God willing I will continue to struggle as a scientist and that I will learn that it's ok to always have a to do list.  I love science. I love my family more, and this is working for us. It is working for us for now.  Only God knows if there is a different plan for the future.  I pray that those around me can accept this too.

Lucky 7?

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

Samantha Elizabeth is 7.  I know that some years kids change more than others, but what a blur! Samantha is turning into a big girl.  She has moments of such maturity, but then she turns around a reminds me she is just a little girl trying to be happy.  I love you girly!

So here you have it:
Favorite color (s): "Purple and yellow.  And orange and bright white. I like all the colors, really!?" (We are off the pink kick!)
Favorite clothes: dresses with pockets (we are still a 'collector')
Favorite thing about school: "Specials.", Like library? "Yes, and music"
Favorite food: anything sweet (Sweetie has a sweet tooth) especially fruit.  She is great about trying new foods!  "My favorite dinner is pizza and grapes with salad"
Favorite activity: "I don't really have one." Ok, what do you like to do? "I like running a  lot!"
Favorite book: "I don't have one." This is probably true.  She likes to read, but she doesn't retell well yet.  She reads for anywhere from 20 minute - 1 hour every night.  She'll try to read anything but does prefer picture books and the funnier the better. Her class is supposed to read 100 books before Christmas.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A mommy and a doctor or a pet doctor.
What advice would you give other 6 year olds? "I don't know really." Think about it, you give AJ advice all the time. "To behave"  Can you be more specific? "To be responsible and to be respectful."

She is no longer scared of going upstairs by herself...but she won't do it because then she would be 'lonely' (ok, sure). She estimated that she has 40 sleep toys (I think its more like 20, but its ALOT). She is constantly making new friends.  She loves her teacher.  AJ aggravates her by copying her and pushing every sensitive button she has.  She cries when Daddy leaves town now, but then supports me and behaves very, very well when he is away. Last night she slept with Grandma in her pink room.  She has a new sleep buddy.  Her delta tailed male beta, Rainbow Jo-Jo Pearlman.

Apparently she likes 'it'....

I shouldn't embarrass her so much. But, I cannot help myself.  Samantha is the sweetest little girl. I really don't think she could hurt a fly. I don't think I ever seen her lay even a finger on her brother. (Yell at him yes, but usually because she is being overly sensitive.)

Her laugh is contagious.  Excuse the 'shaking' camera shot, I was laughing myself.

Fall and sweet things

FALL.  It's all the rage.  How do I know?  It's all over Facebook.  It's all over Pinterest.  Seriously, you all go crazy over fall!

There is something refreshing about Fall.  What is it that makes you love Fall?  And if you don't love fall, I would love to hear why not. I think its a great season!

Fall reminds me of:

• A reprieve from the heat of summer.  As a 'Southerner' who grew up a Northerner, I look forward to days of 85 degrees rather than 95.  And yes, 85 degrees can mean fall around these parts. Time for more outdoor activities (camping, hiking, pumpkin picking).  
• Kids cuddling with their Daddy for afternoon naps during football season.
• The real football (aka soccer) season.  Three of us are playing on teams this fall.
• Yummy, warm foods.  Time to break out the baking recipes, the pumpkin spice lattes and the crockpot for soups and chili.

Matthew enjoying the outdoors

Samantha wearing #9 (just like her mama)

Afternoon nap during Titans game after a night of camping!

Roller coaster rides

Science is a roller coaster.  Sometimes you want to scream but you don't want others to know how scared you are.  Other times you let it out because its thrilling!  Surviving the ride is dependent on your own actions, the actions of others and a lot of machinery.  AND it can take some encouragement to get on board and keep riding.

This has been a tough year. I am so excited about the progress that has been made in the lab yet its a challenge to be patient with the limitations. I love to see the people succeed around me yet when they fail to try or to get the job done its is a challenge not to just jump in and do it.  Yet, I have failed too.

I don't want to change my expectations, but are they too high. Is there such a thing?

When they aren't met how do I refocus?

This week I've felt like my science was the 4th child I bore but don't love as much.  I am okay with that. My children and my family will always come first!  But its hard to have that attitude with so many pressures and stresses each day at work.  Its hard to let go of those pressures when you get home for the day.  My kids always brighten my day and are my cheerleader reminding me I am good at what I do even if the work is hard and doesn't give us squeals of delight everyday.

Moments not to forget

AJ is our creative one. I know I am not supposed to label the kids like that. (I try not to do it in front of them at least.) I could be wrong. They could all be creative. So let me rephrase this.

AJ is very creative. I interact with him the most everyday because of our commute and his personality (He is a talker, a member of the Scott family, after all). He knows exactly how to push my buttons. Samantha is very logical and yet also very sensitive.  Matthew is starting to learn to be a charmer.  Hugs and kisses anyone?

If I am having a hard day, Samantha will be very logical about it and my own words usually come back to me. For example, "It will be okay. Tomorrow will be better." AJ on the other hand wants to jump to conclusions and come up with a new way to solve the problem.

This week was full of challenges.  Here were AJ's musings.

1. Broken down van.  Me: "AJ, when Daddy's away who's in charge?" AJ: "mommy" Me: "Then who makes the decisions in the house?" AJ: "Mommy".  Me: "Then why does your Daddy think he gets to drive his car to the airport (rhetorical question)?  What are we going to do if the van doesn't start?" AJ: "Well (dramatic pause), Mommy you are just going to have to use Daddy's tools to fix it."  Me: "AJ the problem is I don't know how." AJ (with enthusiasm): "Mommy, you just take the hammer and hit nails with it.  The screwdriver you use to turn the nails.  Oh, and Daddy has some pink scissors with his tools." Me: "What do you do with those?" AJ: "I don't know.  But, mommy you used one of Daddy's tools to fix my bike once".  Me: "That was the wrench. I know how to use a wrench" (OF COURSE, I know how to use a screwdriver and hammer and scissors too, but it was so great to hear him solving my problems) AJ: "Well, there you have it you can just use the wrench to fix the van"  Yes, the van did not start again. I did not fix it. I paid several hundred dollars to have it towed and fixed by a professional.  The other car was at the airport and thankfully several friends offered to help me get it and I was able to drive it around all week while the van was getting fixed.

2. Screaming baby in the car.  AJ: "Mommy, I think Matthew's ears hurt" Me: "I am sure they do, so maybe you can talk quieter."  AJ: "But he thinks its funny when I imitate him. I'll do that." Me: "Please don't." Matthew: " AAAAAHHHHH"  AJ (Louder); "AAAAAHHHH" Matthew, AJ, Matthew, AJ.  AJ (with hands covering his ears): "I am never having a baby when I get older, I cannot take it anymore!"
Remember the ear infection from early last week.  It didn't go away. Antibiotic #2 to the rescue.  Then a rash.  Then antibiotic #3 just incase the rash was from #2 when in reality the poor kiddo probably got a virus on top of the ear infection.

3. Bedtime exhaustion meltdown.  Me: "Samantha and AJ, Mommy's head is going to explode.  It hurts so bad. I must to go bed NOW!"  AJ: "Say prayers." Me: "We did." AJ: "Give me a hug and kiss" Me: "I did, but here is another for good measure. I love you." AJ: "Can you lay down with me?" Me : "No. [Insert repeat of first line]" AJ: "Don't leave. I don't like to be alone." Samantha: "AJ, I am right here you know!" AJ: "I don't like to sleep with kids only adults." Me: "This adult [insert first line]". I walk out the door.  AJ comes screaming out of his room, using both hands to very dramatically cry at me (inherited trait from his Aunt- you know which one), "BUT, I had a horrible day. I just need to be with SOMEONE.  No one wanted to play with me today. I just need YOU!"  And in my head I pray. Dear God, please don't let this headache be the death of me.  This boy needs me and I cannot even think or see straight. I go lay down with him for 10  minutes and then tell him I need to clean the kitchen because obviously the idea of momma going to bed doesn't work! (And yes, tired momma from sick, screaming baby and other 'broken' possessions).

4. Pop-pop's movie.  AJ asked me what Pop-pop's favorite movie was the other day. I wasn't sure, but I knew he really enjoyed and was touched by Avatar.  I made a mistake. I told Andrew a little about the movie. And the questions began; what did the creatures look like?  where do they live? how tall were they? tell me about the very beginning of the movie? what is a war? why would they do that? I gave very little details about the violence and focused more on the fact that it was pretend...after school he got in my car and it began again, AJ: "Mommy in that movie with the Avatars, what did the machine look like that the humans fell asleep in?  what color was it? were there buttons on it?"  You would have thought the kid was going to go draw up blueprints. Talking with him requires a lot of mental energy! Love him!

Bedtime rules

"The rules, the rules, the rules of the classroom", Mrs. Kirksey, Kindergarten teacher

"The Bear Family Politeness Plan", The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners

"Our Family Rules", the latest design trend available on etsy.com

Rules are everywhere around us. When our children hit age 3 or 4, we can use this to our advantage.  "No, you cannot take the whistle to school, its against the rules."  If your children are in a childcare/school setting they learn very quickly what the 'rules' are and what the 'penalty' will be when they don't follow the rules. (Not to say they don't test the boundries daily hourly). I have been considering one of those cute family rules signs for the house, but I do want it to be on the positive side, so you'll have to wait to see if I come up with something.  AJ loves the idea, especially after reading the Berenstain Bear's book with "The Bear Family Politeness Plan".  Until then, you'll have to be satisfied with AJ's night time rules.

Me: "Good night, AJ. I love you. [Hug and kiss] Now what are the rules?"

AJ:

• "No getting out of bed.
• No talking.
• No making noises.
• No making sounds.
• No kicking the walls.
• No throwing pillows or sleep toys out of bed.
• No picking ears or noses."

There you have it. I am pretty sure his father and I just gave him 3 of those. But, they all must be necessary!!

I wouldn't call it coming unravelled but...

frazzled?  

Maybe.  Solo parenting.  That's what its called when the father (or mother, I suppose) of your children isn't around to help out right? For some of us solo parenting happens daily for a few hours, or for a few days, or weeks or even months.  (God bless the military and their spouses who serve in this capacity!)

What solo parenting has taught me:
1. how to rely on others; people love us and love to help (keep lots of phone numbers handy!)
2. how to sleep with my contacts in
3. how to get all 3 of my kids to nap (or read quietly -Samantha) for at least 1 hour at the same time every day!
4. how to survive on 4 hours of sleep
5. to use 'express lane' shopping at Harris Teeter (its not a perfect system but it beats my behavior with 3 kids in tow at the grocery)
6. Murphy's law, Murphy's law, Murphy's law (any of them really)
7. I need to be more disciplined and GO TO BED earlier- I might get 4.5 hours of sleep that way!
8. My friends and family are there for me for moral support, even if they cannot be physically present or help. (and I love them for that!)
9. FaceTime freaks Matthew out, and makes him very angry at my iPAD.
10. Pray a lot and with the kids. Sing hymns. Remember, Matthew 6:34 , Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Reasons to love Memphis

The food?  The museums?  The zoo?  The botanical gardens? The music?

Did you know that Memphis gets its name-dropped in more songs than any other city on earth? The Rock'n'Soul museum keeps used to keep a running list of all of the songs that mention Memphis in the lyrics. In 2010, the count was at 969. (Yes, I couldn't find a more recent statistic.)

I cannot speak for these Memphis attractions because I am a not a tourist when we visit Memphis. We rarely leave my sister-in-law's house or my grandmother-in-laws house when we visit except to attend church. But its always a good time. This summer's trip was no exception. It was short...too short, but we enjoyed every minute.



Music is by Girlyman (Through to Sunrise) and Jesse Harris and The Ferdinandos (The Secret Sun)
I need to work on these photo slide shows.  It wasn't hard but I cannot pick the right music and there must be some way to fade in and out or something on the sound.

Quarterly update -late

For some reason we tend to divide the first year of a child's life into quarters...3 months, 6 months, 9 months.  Like, there is some overnight growth or development they are expected to hit at these exact milestones?

Matthew has made it to 9 months and beyond.  He takes after his brother and sister in his growth pattern.  He pretended he was going to be chunky.  We even had a few people say look how chunky he is...a few people and then it happened, again.  As predicable as a sunset, movement and lots of it.  Movement requires energy.  Energy eats up calories.  Calories that were about to give us chunk when right into ATP and muscle movement.  First there was rolling.  Then there was crawling and standing up, and now we are surfing.  Matthew, you can save being an over achiever for 8th grade or something. No need to walk before 10 months okay?  Please, do this for your momma. She isn't ready for you to be a toddler yet.

Matthew weighs in at 16lb and 12 oz (or he did 2 weeks ago at his well visit).  He was in the 4th percentile in weight?  Really, come on.  Where are these chunky babies?  They also told me he was in the 80th percentile in height. I made them remeasure. Computer error. New measurement...8th in height (I don't even remember how tall).  So he's proportional.  I admit since we got these stats, I've been trying to feed him more.  Nursing is still going well and when we're together, he feds about 5 times a day, plus he is up to 3 meals!  I don't know why I think I could defy his genes. Its not like David or I are big people.

He is babbling like crazy.  I am pretty sure he says Momma, Dadda, and AJ (Ah. Ja with sort of a gunt).  David isn't convinced.  But, it doesn't matter its just fun to listen to.

Last night I was treasuring a moment when Matthew was so tired he laid on my chest and fell asleep.  He is so full of movement right now that he's not much for cuddling.  I should have seen the writing on the wall the equation on the ceiling, cuddly, tired baby = sick baby.  This morning I thought he felt a little warm while he was nursing, but he seemed to cool off by the time he was done and in a clean diaper and fresh clothes, but 11 am rolled around and my office phone rang. 101 temp (axillary!) So I took him home for more cuddles, but try as I might, my pour Matthew was livid and would have nothing to do with horizontal positions laying down...diagnosis of course, ear infection.

So here is this working mom's thankful list today
1. So thankful for modern medicine and treatments.
2. So thankful he can fight this off and likely without complications.
3. Thankful David is in town.
4. Thankful for a new babysitter who took AJ to soccer so I didn't even have to leave the house with Matthew in this muggy heat.
5. Thankful for Samantha's first grade teacher.  She seems to adore her.
6. Thankful for understanding co-workers who don't mind that I will be working 'odd' hours while Matthew gets better.

Well, I hear a cry up in his room.  Might be time for some pain meds for this little guy.  Hopefully, I can be thankful for sleep tomorrow morning.

Just call me Lucy.

Did you ever notice that in the Charlie Brown comic strip, Charlie Brown goes to Lucy to pay for psychiatric advice?

Available through Amazon.com

Lucy doesn't always give the best advice.

I am Lucy.  I am "The doctor" that is "IN", and several people come to me to vent. I love these people. I care for these people. I want them to be content with their circumstances and quality of life.  Problem is I try to solve their problem(s).  I use a lot of energy to try to help them or fix their situation to provide resources or ideas and to encourage them to brainstorm. Truth be told, I can only help people who want to be helped and maybe I should just let them vent while my mental energy is somewhere else. After these marathon sessions, I feel more disgruntled and I feel like they leave thinking, "She doesn't understand.  Her situation is so much better."  That is not helping anyone.

Anyone have suggestions as to how to limit how much time and energy is expended on these efforts?  (Without looking like I don't care, b/c I care, but I cannot help the closeminded.)

What I am loving...about family

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring, quite often the hard way. - Pamela Dugdale

Samantha

• Reads to her baby brother now and gives him advise on why its important to read (i.e. "you have to be a good reader to be a good driver")
• After a friendly game of 2 x 2 on the Algood soccer field she says, "Good job playing, AJ".  She is so excited for her first practice Thursday!

Andrew

• LOVES Rufus Wainwright's "Hallelujah".  Sings along and requests to hear it about 6 times a day. (Of course he calls it a King David song.)
• Always has a question which expands my knowledge.  Tonight, "Mommy, where do whales sleep?" and "Are there other nocturnal sea creatures besides sea turtles?"  Then he shares everything he learned with Samantha.

Matthew

• Pats everyone on the back. (Samantha loves it when he does it to her)  I love this stage!
• Belly laughs at everything and anything that comes out of AJ's mouth.

Lord, help me to parent! (Entitlement)

Parenting in the age of entitlement.

Some rights reserved by Stefan Leijon 

Here are some of my thoughts and notes from a talk given by James Schleicher.
Mr. Schleicher presented several characteristics of entitlement and then proposed 'real' solutions or ideas of how to counter the attitude (or hopefully prevent it from happening).  Admittedly, in my family, I can get wrapped up thinking my children exhibit these characteristics. That scares me, but then I remind myself that my children are still young. This is the prime time to implement these 'counter' activities/practices in our home, but some of the characteristics of an 'entitled' kid are unfortunately hard to combat for a 3-6 year old who wants things their way and/or wants it now. Patience and consistency are going to be key!  I also remind myself the most important counter is to love as Jesus loved.
1.  Entitlement is a lack of empathy. It is the inability to rejoice in others' accomplishments; a lack of manners or respect. It is being self-centered.
One of the most consistent ways to counter this is for kids to have a good relationship with a male role model (their dad or an uncle).  Furthermore, Mr. Schleicher stressed the importance of having the kids contribute to management of the family (it's not about chores or allowance; its about contributing to the family- working as a team). Practice delayed gratification (this theme will come up over and over again).


2. Entitled kids are angry; they see parents as stressed out (why work to be like that). These kids see life as hard or unfair.
Counter by letting kids know that it's ok to go through tough times! We as parents need to let our kids struggle- let them work their own problems out. We must show discipline by doing what needs to be done no matter how you feel about it. (I may not want to clean the toilet but I do it.)  Moveover, a known way to counter these characteristics is for kids to have a spiritual component to their upbringing and to eat dinner together.  This reminds me of the old saying, "A family that prays together stays together."
Just the other night I asked the kids to help me out.  Samantha likes to wash bottles (she honestly couldn't do this 6 months ago, but now has the hang of it). AJ was asked to set the table. I was going to empty the dishwasher and make dinner.  AJ refused. So I told him I might have to quit also (just to make a point).  He looked at me funny.  I told him, "If you cannot set the table then I cannot empty the dishwasher and make dinner. So you'll have to make your dinner, give yourself a shower, read to yourself and put yourself to bed." He looked at me and started crying, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THOSE THINGS. I calmly said, "You are right. You need help with some of those activities, but you can set the table.  How about you do what you can do and I'll do what I can do and we can work together as a team."  It so nice when they get to the age where you can reason.  Problem solved.

3.  Entitled kids can be too driven; trying to keep up with everyone; parents set bad example...too much reading, computer, iPad,ect in front of kids.

Ways to counter this is to get your kids more sleep, and make sure that dads have fun with kids.  We all should stress "I like who you are".  Seems that Dads need to back off daughters and Moms need to back off sons.  TALK less.  Mr. Schleicher said cut the verbiage by 50%.  I still remember thinking as a kid, OK, I got the point the first time.  I can see my kids thinking the same thing when I give them a lecture.  Its so easy to give a daily report when Daddy walks in the door.  This is what went great today.  This is what went bad.  Maybe we should say NO bad news for the first HOUR we get home?

4.  Entitlement looks like a kid who cannot handle a delay in gratification.  The process of getting something is more important than having it.  How may of our kids just want that super special cool toy and then once they get it they never play with it?

The way to counter this is to  make them contribute to their goals (especially material goals) this helps delay gratification, but we can also delay gratification in little ways (non material) and we must follow through.  If you say, "I'll be there in 5 minutes" get there in 5 minutes. If you say, "we'll do it in the morning." Do it in the morning.  This is where I fail sometimes. I realized this when AJ thought tomorrow is a future date that never happens.  I wasn't so good about following through.  Right before bed the request would come.  Can we build this, can we play that...I would say tomorrow.  It wasn't intentional but I would forget I made the promise.  Admittedly it wasn't to delay gratification, but to get him to focus on going to bed, but he won't remind me either and I would just forget.  I don't make those promises now unless I am doing it for a different reason and I am going to follow through.  Tomorrow now translates to in the morning for AJ. 
Most important for all of this is that we strive to model delayed gratification, empathy, and being content.  When we want something, share it with our children and tell them how we are working towards it.  When we don't get our way (at work for example), explain that we are disappointed, but what are we going to do about it.  We can be content even in difficult times. We don't have to be happy all the time, but we have to deal with what we are given and be content with it.  Fr. Stephen always says, "You cannot control everything that happens to you.  You can only control how you respond to it."  We must model good responses and strengthen our spiritual relationship with God.  We must strive to be Godly people.

Is it too early to reminisce?

We've only been home a few weeks and I am reminiscing about our summer vacation. It was simple. Life is rarely simple.  It was:

• Great to see family.   
• Great to watch the kids learn and explore so many new things.  Think Sid the Science Kid mashed with The Wild Kratts as a contestant on Fetch.
• Great to take a mental break from science. (Yes, I really did take a break, but don't tell my bosses.).  
• Great to do things I haven't done in a long time. I admit I had plenty of excuses to pass on tubing, but thankfully did just a little water skiing. 
• Great to reflect on the life God has blessed us with. 

Andrew and Clare with Light Sybers

Samantha had an exhausting, good time.

• 
  

Working it out...

Parenting is hard work.  David and I were given the opportunity to attend some parenting workshops given by a man, James Schleicher (yes, he had the same name as our late priest and dear friend, but he was not the same person) at Samantha's elementary school.  We attended 2 of 3 lectures.  We learned so much.  We took notes so we could talk about it later.


In his first lecture, "Raising resilient, responsible children in this age of over-stimulation",  Mr. Schleicher made so many good points. It probably wouldn't be fair to tell you about them all (look him up for counseling if you are in the area and in need).  since the lecture, we have been trying to guide the kids to solving their own problems (i.e. sibling rivalry issues). Some points in this area Mr. Schleicher made:

• separating the kids when they have conflict is the worst thing you can do- 
• make sure they both apologize or come together and say they love each other- 
• send them off to do a common task after the conflict- 
• make sure your tantrum is never worse than theirs- 
• it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, just work it out- 
• just hearing two sides to the story is not going to bring the conflict to a resolution-  
• * Bring their world to a standstill until they have fixed this problem with each other *

This takes practice.  Admittedly David is better at letting them handle it alone than I am.  But I find it amusing interesting to be in the next room listening in on their communication.


Through tears, "Samantha, I am sorry."  "AJ, I am not ready to talk to you."  "But we HAVE to work this out.  You HAVE to forgive me."  AJ stomps off frustrated.  Samantha, "AJ, you cannot leave until we work it out".  AJ, "But you won't work it out."  AJ goes and tattles.  David sends him back to Samantha. Samantha, "OK.  I forgive you. I am sorry too."  (a moment passes, I realize later AJ must have tried to hug her because...)


"Samantha (with frustration), would I do that to you if you tried to hug me?"  Samantha, "No." AJ, "Then why would you do that to me; that's not a real hug."  Samantha, "Its blowing a hug".  AJ, "But I want a real hug." Stomps off in frustration to Daddy.  Daddy sends him back, "Don't tattle, just work it out".  AJ, "Samantha, you still won't work it out.  You are making me SAD."  Samantha, "Ok. I am sorry. Forgive me." and a hug is given.

Movement to the kitchen...ok kids time to set the table together. And they did.  Its taken us 7 months, but we're giving ourselves lots to chuckle over making progress.


One reason parenting is so difficult is that we are expected to set a good example for our kids even when we aren't are far from perfect. I guess that's the beauty of it; the children will see imperfection and learn they cannot be perfect all the time either. The kids are so vocal about their conflicts. Research shows at this age children experience conflict every 7 minutes.  David can confirm this- he still has his research skills and using AJ and Samantha like little research subjects, he measured the time between their conflicts.  As adults we tend to avoid conflict.  Is that healthy?  Does that set an example of working it out?


Expect a follow up post on "Parenting in the age of entitlement" Yikes, entitlement...I cringe at the word. Do my kids feel entitled?  What does entitlement look like?  How do we prevent it?

What do you do last week?

Vacation is a time for rest sleepless nights and relaxation activity.  We redefined vacation last week.

• Lots and lots of swimming.  Both kids are swimming at least 15 feet on their own and with confidence.  AJ learned the terms cannonball and can opener and demonstrated them frequently.
• Tubing.  This sport is for the boys (Well AJ, David, and several other relatives took part, just not Samantha and I).
• Sailing (and watching sailing).  David and Brad did the sailing.  The rest of the family watched from the sandy shores while swimming in the lake. 
• Canoeing.  Good exercise on a big lake! 
• Fishing.
• Water skiing.  Wow! It had been along time.  David got fancy. I just tried to stay up!
• Games: Tripoly, Scene It, Scrabble Slam, made up water races...
• A visit to Michael Waltrips race shop (meeting MW, watching practice pit stops, sitting in the 56 car)
• Rocking and more rocking on the screened patio overlooking the beautiful cove on Lake Norman
• Soothing the cranky, sweet, teething baby
• A little shopping. I found an awesome print of a couple under an umbrella on a street corner.
• Drinking lots of water and just enough caffeine to stay awake to enjoy it all!

A huge thanks to my family and 'extended' family for making the week so memorable.  Pulling together our resources to stay at this great house was fantastic.  It was great to have extra adults around so the kids could really enjoy the pool safely even when Matthew needed to be out of the heat or napping.  My brother-in-law's cousins were so gracious to invite us to the Yacht Club for sailing and lunch on the 4th of July.  My brother-in-law's sister brought her family out and invited us for several afternoons of boating, skiing and tubing!  And it was his brother-in-law who arranged for the kids to go to the race shop where he is the personal trainer for the pit crew.  Thanks Mom, Dad, Joe, Amanda, Heather, Brad, Greg, Melissa, Sarah and David!

Pictures will be posted soon. My apologies but they are not on the home computer yet (we purchased a new one today).

Happy Father's Day!

Apparently I forgot to post this a few weeks ago....we should celebrate our fathers everyday!  I enjoyed being around mine last week!!
_______________________________________________________________________________

*Father - A man in relation to his natural child or children.

The above definition is limiting. I don't like it. I prefer a broader definition.

"one of the leading men"

There is so much more to a man who has begotten a child; many other ways to be a father.  I pray for those fathers/Fathers in my life and the lives of my children. Its a tough job and they need strength.

From infancy into adulthood these 3 men (Fathers) touch my life, leading me. Grandpa Scott, I can still hear your voice and I think about how amazed you'd be if you saw how we take great videos with our phones! 'Lover#1'.  Father Schleicher, I know you are watching over my family and praying for us.  Thank you for interceeding for us in Heaven.  Godfather Jim, you left so quickly, yet it will only be a blink of the eye when we met again. I won't forget the love you had for our family and I pray for your family as they carry on here without you.  May your memories be eternal.

Today, I pray for my priests, my dad, my father-in-law, my grandfather, and my brother-in-laws.  When I think of these fathers and how they lead me and support our family, I realize how truly blessed I am to have so many men as role models and prayer warriors for me.I also pray for the godparents of our children.  Dan, Jesse, and Bryan have embraced our children.  Paul, our godson's father, is also like family to us loving on my children.We have been so blessed to have friends become family through our godfamilies. 

And for David. He rises up to so many challenges in his daily life.  I pray that he continues to 'father' (lead) our children to be children of God, to love with their whole heart, to pray with their whole mind, and to work for the glory of God.

I love the song "Lead me" it was written by Santus Real. It is a reflective song about how this artist has failed at times to lead his family, but he turns to God our Father for strength. Our family has been truly blessed to have been led by strong hands, by men who do look to God our Father for their strength. 

(the end of the song)
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them

Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this out home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

*Definitions are from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary (online)

Over the river and through the woods...

to grandmother's house we go.

Samantha and AJ spent two weeks at their grandparents in Mississippi at the start of the summer.  Lucky kids!  We shared about 4 days with them there and then they were on their own.  They had an amazing time. I am very proud of them and very thankful that Grandmommy and Granddaddy were able to entertain them and love on them for that time!  Grandmommy and Granddaddy became Grandmama and Granddadda while the kids were there.  If that doesn't say it all, here are some of the events of the weeks.

They swam.

They painted.

They read.

They wrote.

They ran through the sprinkler.

They prayed.

They went to the Children's Museum.

They slept in a tent during a thunderstorm.

They fished in a lake.

They saw the house were Granddaddy grew up.

They ate food cooked over a camp fire.

They had donut holes and hot chocolate as an appetizer.

They went to the Museum of Natural Science.

They made us stepping stones.

They got new flip flops (their first).

Are you worn out reading about it?  They were worn out and slept great while they were there!  Grandmommy and Granddaddy were pretty tired too, but I am sure the memories will last a lifetime.

Honesty

I am not always honest with myself. Because honesty can be ugly.  Yet, if I am not honest with myself, how can I expect others to be honest with me, and how can I be honest with others.  This all sounds quite cliche, but its the truth.

We are almost half way through this year and I find myself reflecting inward.  Its not very pretty.  But then I am reminded of God's mercy and grace. I am thankful for it. My priorities are not completely out of whack, but they need some *work (*interpret "work" as  more than just a refinement). 

Here are a few somewhat random thoughts from my journey inward.
The priest celebrating the funeral mass for my godfather was reminding us all that my godfather was not a man of words, but a man of action (Memory eternal Jim!).  I should speak less and do more especially for my loved ones. I struggle with this most when I am tired. I need to get moving. Lord have mercy and teach me to reach out and love. 

A friend of mine, reflecting on her thought processes when her baby is under the weather, realized that when her daughter wasn't feeling well, she suddenly felt like she couldn't do what was 'needed' (around the house). When in reality if her daughter were well, that task won't feel so urgent. Selfish. That's what she called it. Wow! How eye opening for me! I am grateful for her honesty because it forced me to be honest with myself. I can be so selfish. Suddenly when one of my kids is sick, I feel myself torn between being frustrated they are miserable, wanting to make them better and getting WORK done.  Negogiations start between David's schedule and mine. 
-When do you have meetings? 
-What can you reschedule? 
-I can work later. 
-I have to set an example this time.
I am now seeing where I am selfish elsewhere in my life. Lord have mercy and teach me to be humble.

I saw my brother and sister in the first time in a YEAR!  I wasn't even showing (with Matthew) the last time I saw them and he is 6 months old.  I don't want our lives to be so busy that this is how it is. We live hours away. We are 'busy'.  Families are growing and careers are demanding. I am so grateful my parents have been down to our house so many times this year. I think I've spent a calendar month with my mom and my dad just 1 week shy of that. I hope this year was an exception with Matthew being so young over the holidays.  Our family vacation is coming up and I cannot wait to see the kids with their cousins again!! But I need to and want to find the time to be with family. 

The trip to Ohio was too fast. It didn't allow the time to see friends. We, of course, needed the family time and the time with our family friends, but it also forced me into a different reality. I left that place. Ohio is no longer my home. My relationships are so different with my friends and my family friends, and they will never be the same. I feel guilty I left those relationships behind. I am not saying the relationships don't exist.  They are just different.  I still care for, pray for and love each of them, but I miss the face to face exchanges.