Moving, moving, moving

Life is in constant motion, but we are so grateful when the kids actually slow us down! I am far from being a home body. I like to be in constant motion and while my kids often seem to be in constant motion, they are in need of down time. Its not always easy to find "down time" but in this season of Great Lent we really try to cut back on extra activities, but I realize we may have made a mistake this Lent...the house is for sale. This forces us to be constantly cleaning, straighting and staging. It was my hope that the combination of Great Lent and packing will result in us cutting back on 'stuff' and creating an atmosphere of simplicity.

We're half way through Great Lent and on this Sunday of the Adoration of the Cross, I am not sure we've been able to simplify or really have denied ourselves. The kids want to just stay home a play. Samantha even asked for a 'break from school'. (She's heard other older kids talking about Spring Break and she even spent a day with her Kindergarden friend during her Spring Break.) Andrew resists going anywhere on the weekend. The good thing is they have really been playing well together having pretend picnics, coloring, and doing puzzles. They're in the middle of playing and I am cleaning up behind them because we have a showing in several hours. Last weekend, I even rushed around to hold a garage sale to get rid of the 'stuff', but the rushing took away the simplicity of the season. I realize now that I was trying to busy myself to avoid worry about a loved one and her family. Not the right way to deal with worry! This weekend I committed to taking Samantha to a friends birthday party and while I know she enjoyed herself it took time away from our family time and the season of simplicity. We must be diligent with our time if we want to be moving forward in preparations for Pascha. So as we move beyond the mid-point of this Great Lent, we challenge ourselves to go back to child-like simplicity, prayer, and eucharisto (thankfulness).

When there is silence....

and darkness, Andrew is afraid of the shadows and has bad dreams (even with his eyes open).

Samantha must not be in the room. She fills silence with song or an occasional scripture. Tonight, "The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light".

My silence on the blog has not been intentional, but also not an indication that I don't have anything to share with you. I wonder if my posts are missed or if I am 'wasting' time writing them. I am not a writer. I don't write to synthesize my thoughts. More often I write to honor someone. Tonight I feel like I would like to honor David. I suppose so few of our family read our blog that it might not get back to him that I did this.

There have been some silent evenings in our home recently. David is working late or traveling. More recently its been working late at the office or getting ready for the big product launch. The kids and I got used to him being home late but over a recent road trip they didn't understand why he wasn't home in the morning too. Kids, its because your father is amazing! He has worked so hard for this recent product launch and the launch was the company's best yet. Already their projections were wrong, yes, but in a good way! They are selling more than they projected they would! Even while David's been working late, he has made efforts to talk to the kids at night, to really spend time with them before school in the morning.

I still remember Fr. John Abdalah from St. George in Pittsburgh telling David at our pre-martial counselling, "David, remember this FACT. The average woman needs 50 minutes of time to communicate with their spouse to feel 'connected'. The average man needs 3 minutes." David isn't a talker. I come from a family of talkers. I like to tell David about my day. I would have preferred to have >1 hour to talk with David each day. He'd prefer to have 2 minutes to talk with me. What I have learned from David is that in those 2 minutes (because honestly, we don't usually get even close to 15 minutes most days), he has shown me amazing support. He has said things to me, which at the time may have seemed abrupt or even insensitive, but it has been in the moments of silence, in the moments of trial, in the moments of contemplation that his words have popped in my head.

Last year at this time, I admit that I was tormenting myself. I had forgotten to be thankful. I knew I was blessed. I knew I had what I needed but I was also being impatient with God's plan and shying away from opportunities that might make me a failure.

I have been going back to several things David said (some not his own original words) .
1. When I feel overwhelmed at work I ask myself, "what is the next best thing I can do?""
2. So what if you fail, does that change what God thinks of you? you know, it would never change what I think of you. Just try.
3. Your job doesn't define you. You don't have to be happy all the time.
4. (with the loss of a loved one). I know you miss them but before you know it, you'll be together again.

I am so thankful for the strength God has given me this year. I sometimes think back about what lack of faith I had in God's plan. I am ashamed and humbled. I certainly don't know where we are headed, but I do know that God's given me a great partner who can communicate, effectively enough in just 2 minutes a day. I love my David, "my beloved". And I thank God for him.